Thursday, May 21, 2009

Yesterday, at Starbucks on Broadway...

I try to ignore my depression. It is definitely there. Nothing really excites me. I am always "tired". I am actively chasing online gender porn. I am barely functional. Sources for my continued depression are my joblessness and my continuing to live in the closet. I am the one who needs to act to deal with both poisons. This weekend is an arbitrary jumping-off event. Tim is getting married.. I "needed" to be off work so I can participate in Tim's wedding [I'm the best "man"] and I couldn't come out or leave Pam before because I would not tolerate Pam and I being topics at Tim's wedding. The Problem is... after the wedding, will I really act on finding work? Will I finally finally finally! come out an be myself?

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