My 2ndDaughter, Debra, was listening to a song this afternoon that reminded her of me. She'a been very aware and sensitive to how much I've struggled with being alone, how much I've wanted a partner, how much, sometimes, I'd just like to have a date. I know that Debra has cried for me from time to time. So, this afternoon, she sent me an email telling me she'd been listening to Phil Collins' version of "You Can't Hurry Love."
Her love choked me up.
Chokes me up.
And her email made me smile, too, because I remembered sending her snippets of 60's songs to help her have a different perspective on her dating journey early on. And telling her to pay attention to my advice because she would eventually have to feed it back to me. I did a search of our chats over the years to see if I had sent her the same song. It wasn't there, but it started me reading our first chats.
Back before I was "Momma" or even "Mom."
I was "Shannon" or "Hey, girl!"
We talked about my divorce and my name change.
We talked about her nails. She has always liked her nails painted even before she was out at work and always wore them for the weekends.
We talked about my orchie and her surgery.
We talked about dinner, and PFLAG, and church.
It was a very heart-tugging moment to read those chats this afternoon. We have shared so much and grown so much in the 3-plus years we've been, first as new trans-women, then very good friends, and then Mom and Daughter. Growth is rarely painless. And we've been there for each other. I know that she is concerned about me. I worry about her. It is because of her that I have come to know I am a mom and how much I love being her mom. (Well, Annabelle has helped a lot, too!)
Debra is my best friend. She is my Daughter. I am so proud when she calls me momma.
And I choke up.