My Saturday

Was a very long day. I have joined a meetup group called Eastside Lesbians? They had Koffee Klatch in Issaquah and I met 12 new women. It was a nice time. I was invited to lunch with 4 of the women and had a great time. Our waitress was a hot little butch. She was flirtin' hard with one of the women. We don't know for sure she's part of the family but we were all willing to bet that way. Again, I had a really good time. I got home in the early afternoon and got ready for the Hot Flashes Retro dance at Neighbors. Took a short nap and headed off to Capital Hill... the Eastside Lesbians were getting together for dinner before the Dance. Met another 6 or 8 women.

After the dinner we went over to Neighbors [first time I'd ever been there.] and started dancing. I ran into Pat and Sue, which was something. Neighbors was packed! Lots of butch women and a fair amount of definitely femme women too. I danced with several different people, mostly with the Eastside Lesbian women. Sometimes singular and sometimes as a group. They were a fun bunch. A couple of the Eastside women would dance slow together... It was bittersweet for me to see. Particularly when they started kissing. Anyway, the music was loud and the floor was too crowded for my tastes. I like to move around and not stand in one place and that wasn't possible most of the time. I don't think I'll go back to the Hot Flash dances.

Walking back to my truck.... I got to thinking of the women dancing together and kissing and I had to think about dancing with my wife. We met at square dance lessons. Dancing with her... She has a smile that is just electric! Her laugh, a bright cackle, can light up a room! I got to remembering all the good times... I started choking up... almost couldn't breathe. In my truck driving home wasn't any better. lotsa fun crying and driving... It was a long night... I've needed to grieve the loss of wife. It was a hard night when I got bak to my apartment.... I didn’t get to bed ‘til after 2. I’ve no idea when I got to sleep. My friends all say to call ‘em when I need to talk but it’s real hard for me to call someone at 12:30, 1 o’clock in the morning.

I need to grieve still but at least I scratched the surface. I have a full plate of issues that I need to be honest with my feelings with. I shut them down for a while, mostly to survive. I need to do my personal work.