Wednesday, March 16, 2011

As my girl sleeps

I am sitting in a hospital recliner/lounge chair watching her try to sleep. She has come through her surgery, the surgery that confirms the gender she has always been. That's why she calls it Gender Confirmation Surgery rather than some variation on "Reassignment." she had some nerves to deal with before we left. Not many or great issues but some. But she has been very calm for the most part and always composed. I'm watching her with the mix of emotions that a parent has when their child is in some pain going through a transition in their life that the child has to go through. There is fear for the unknown and fear for the pain. There are sympathetic pains, too. There is the swirling feelings of hope and concern for the child to pass this test and be stronger and more whole. I am struggling with the helplessness of not being able to do more. Of not being able to make her all better right now. Of not being able to take the pain for her. And I am so! in awe of her. She has had a serenity through all of this that I have never felt in myself and she is moving through all of this like she walks in her 4-inch heels! She hasn't missed a step! and is graceful beyond any word-picture I could try to paint.

This is so right for her! She never was a boy!

This woman who has adopted me as her mom... This woman I have adopted as my daughter! She humbles me! It is only the hand of Poppa! I want to ask what could I have done to deserve such a rich Blessing? And it feels like the Grace Poppa has given me through His Son, my Brother, Jesus. It feels that deep! that rich!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad to hear everything went well. And I think it's fantastic that you went with her. If I were in her shoes, I would want my mom to come with me. The mom that cares.

    I started reading Jerica's blog 8 months ago, when I found out I was a man. It is so good to read that she is post-op now. What a journey.

    Even though God and I are not talking lately, I hope he blesses you both. It sure was an exciting trip.