I'm going to go shopping later today for a couple new outfits. I want to look good for my birthday out with my Second Daughter on Thursday. I deserve to feel good about myself. I am attractive woman for someone not quite 60. I've gotten too comfortable with my "jeans-t's-and-tennies" and I need to get back to doing what I can to look nice like I did when I thought I had to to be seen as the woman I am. I like looking nice and I need to dress for myself. I'm never going to be in Debra's class but I'm never going to be 30 again, either. But I can be a really attractive woman when I work at it.
And I deserve it! I deserve me! Dating has been frustrating. The women my age think I'm great! And think I'm a really good friend, but ... but ... when it comes to dating, they see me as a man still, or not fully a woman or something. The women I hang out with and tend to identify with are in their 30's. I am totally a woman to them, but, again, they see me as a "Mom." And no one wants to date a "Mom." It's ok. Well, really, it's not ok, but it is what it is.
There is one woman who I am going to date. I am going to date myself. I am going to treat myself to the social life I deserve. I am going to take myself to dinners and movies and give myself cards and flowers. I am going to court myself. I am going to be my lover. I am going to love myself.