Debra was over tonight for dinner. It makes me feel really good when I can cook for her. It's been a long time since she has come to where I live to have an evening with me and she hasn't been here to my new place for an evening since the night I first moved in. It is definitely a Mom thing when I can cook dinner for her in my own place. I've missed it.
After dinner we talked a little and then went over to a friend's to visit. Lisa had eye surgery earlier in the day and we went by to say hi and comfort her.There were a couple other people there keeping her company. Debra and the others got to talking aobut getting properly fitted for bra's. I kinda got lost in the conversation. After a while we left. In the car, I struggled with trying to not let my body define me, and wrestling with breasts that are too small to measure and whether augmentation would be appropriate. I very nearly lost it. I told Debra where I was and she said she wondered why I was so quiet during the conversation. Augmentation isn't the answer, though I don't really have a reason to not get implants. I was ... am... grappling with trying to find that whole person I want to be, trying to love me for who I am. I am so much closer to that place than I have ever been, but ... but I am not there just yet.a The answer isn't in other people or in things or changes to my body or to the way I live, but simply in loving me and it is so very hard.