Tuesday Morning, 7:30AM -- One week later

Today seems no different than any other day, and yet, today seems like a different universe. This time a week ago they were taking Debra in to surgery.

She is up showering this morning. She woke at 7 and did her dilation. She slept ok most of the night, but woke up with some headache pain around 4 and her bladder isn't comfortable. She feels like she needs to pee but is having trouble actually passing water. Hopefully, this will be better as the day goes on.

Today is my 59th birth day. The last year has been amazing!

A little over a year ago... <sad sigh> the divorce with my wife of 29 years was final; our love couldn't sustain us one way or another through my gender conflict. She is an amazing woman! and still my friend. Her friendship is a gift I am very, very thankful for.

In February, I became a member of the Everett United Church of Christ, an Open and Affirming congregation in Everett, Washington. It has been a pleasure to serve Poppa and The One Who Loves Me, Jesus, in worship with the rest of the congregation at this loving an wonderful church.

A year ago, I had a gender reassignment surgery, no caps because it is not the Gender Confirmation Surgery Debra just came through. A bilateral orchiectomy is considered valid for legal gender reassignment. No longer having any testosterone has made me post-menopausal pretty much the same as any woman in her late 50's.

In April, I bought a puppy, a feisty little black ball of fluff I named Xena, Warrior Princess (in training). She has been a great joy, especially once she calmed down enough to figure out she likes cuddling on my lap in the evening.

Last year, I decided I was going to get back into hiking. I found a Meetup group of people who hike at my speed [a step or two faster than a banana slug] called PNW Leisure Hiking. I wasn't able to do all the hiking I wanted to do but I had fun when I did go and thoroughly enjoy the Gryph! I hope to do more hiking this year.

But my relationship with my Daughter-In-Love, Debra is the high point of the last year-and-a-half. I must! give Poppa all the credit and Glory and Praise for bringing this young woman into my life. I have had very big holes to fill in my life. Poppa knows this. It would have been very easy for me to try to fill them with an inappropriate relationship, a relationship I really am not ready for. So Poppa brings a young woman who needed a parental figure into the life of a woman in need of someone to love in a healthy manner. Our relationship has grown so much and has been the source of great comfort, joy and laughter for both of us. Well, actually, she just loves me for my Chicken Adobo.

I don't know what Poppa has for me this next year. I hope to find work and have enough income that I don't have to live on my Dad's inheritance anymore. I also hope to receive medical benefits with any job I get. The cost of my diabetes meds are really killing me. I want to do more hiking and camping. I want to do more photography. I would like to go fishing more often. And Gender Confirmation Surgery is something I'd like to have done if I can pay for it.

The time is a quarter to numb...

How things are for me??? Today my divorce is final. I get my name change... Later this week I'll start chasing all the places I need to change my name. I'll send the paperwork and the money to the state to change my birth certificate and then prolly change my driver's license. Today I'm just a couple of shades shy of being numb. I prolly wont stop at the liquor store but it crosses my mind.

Divorce papers

The lawyer sent both of us divorce papers in the email yesterday. I have to fill out a couple of forms and get the “Petition” sent off by fax today. I’ll meet with my wife about 9 at the house. I’ll pack up a few things and come home. I will want to get on with my day. I do not want this divorce. But there is not other path my wife is willing to consider.

Movin' on and movin' out

My wife asked me to leave a couple weeks ago. I house-sat for a friend [crashed is more like it] for a week and then found my own apartment. I’ve been moving in little bit by little bit. I go to the house and I try to pack things up and it seems the energy is sucked right out of me and I only get a little bit done. It will get better. Probably next week, I’ll get my major pieces of furniture moved over and I can start relaxing in my apartment. I can’t quite call it “My new home.”

We went to a lawyer today to see about a mediated divorce. We have most everything split up so that we both feel it’s fair. The lawyer seemed to be competent and had empathy for us. We’ll go with her. We have a boat load of paperwork to fill out. We plan to get a little done tomorrow morning and sent back to her and the rest we hope to tackle this weekend. I told my wife that, for me, it is like having a bad tooth and knowing I have to pull it out wth no novocaine myself. It hurts something awful and I don’t wanna do it but it needs to be done.

I feel so tempted to get a bottle of wine and getting drunk!

I went to see Dr. Finn today. It was supposed to be a diabetes followup, but I’ve been having issues with being short of breath and chronic swelling and low-level pain in my right leg. I figured the sweeling was from my diabetes being out of control. She told me my arteries seemed to be doin’ fine;she could feel a strong pulse in my foot. She thinks there might be a clot in a vein. I’m getting an ultra sound done today at 3:30p. If it is a clot, then it is most likely due to the estrogen and I will have to quit taking estrogen altogether. I can live with that.