I find myself really shook by all of this. By the stroke, the blood clots, the Afib. And then there's the finances of it all. This isn't going to be pretty. I am going in to the doctor's office to get m INR checked everyday for the next week at least. And there will be lab fees until I can get my INR up high enough that I don't have to continue with the Fragmin/Lovenox shots. Warfarin is pretty cheap so it isn't going to kill my pocket book, but the rest of my medical bills are going to be significant!
There is just so much uncertainty in my life all of a sudden and it is hard for me to stay focused and positive! I am moving tomorrow. A week ago I would have told you that it was a good thing, a very good thing. I still think it is, but it is also something of an unknown. And unknowns are not welcome at the moment.
And that my leg and hip seem to be constantly in pain and I can't take more than 1K mg of Tylenol at a pop to deal with it… it drags on my spirit. It is really hard to be positive. I can't use anything with aspirin or ibuprofen or naproxen, either internally or topically. I don't know how people with chronic pain do it!
I've been to tears and near tears several times by all of this. I am really shaken by this. I get angry but mostly I am a scared, frightened little girl.
My Second Daughter gave me a list of good things that are going on. positive things to think about:
- I may have the surgery,
- I may go on estrogen,
- I will get some sort of funding for medical (job-related or not),
- I will date myself (a post abut this is coming),
- I will get out there and fish, hike, and photograph,
others I came up with:
- I will get work.
- I will be well,
- I will be healthy,
- I am Loved,
- my life is rich beyond measure because of the Love of my family