My Daily Routine...

Such as it is...

Beyond the mornings, I haven’t had much of routine yet. I need to get into some routine so I can better manage my diabetes and my coumadin. My mornings are pretty much set. The 4 ‘S’s when the alarm goes off [or earlier]. Shot [my byetta for my diabetes] then Shit then Shower and Shave. Hopefully, that all gets done in time for my breakfast. This last week, I have been going back to bed for about an hour nap. It seems I am gassing out quickly. I get up from the nap and go to the clinic for my INR check. After that I usually go over to my wife’s place and try to help pack things up for the house to go on sale. Usually around 2, I knock off because I’m out of steam again. I come back to my apartment and crash.

I have no idea how my stamina is going to affect any job I might be able to find. Some of it will depend on how much lifting I have to do. I have to find a job with benefits, soon. All my benefits go away when the divorce is final.

The Finished Product...

David says to Solomon, “This is the plan the Lord gave me. Be courageous and get to work. Don’t be frightened by the size of the task, for the Lord my God is with you; He will not forsake you. He will see to it that everything is finished correctly.” [1 Chronicles 28:19-22]

Paul, to the Philippians, assures me that, “God, who began a good work within me, will keep on helping me grow in his grace until his task within me is finally finished.” [Philippians 1:6]

When I was young and starting over, I knew I wouldn’t stay down forever. I knew my life would improve, that things would get better. I have not had that confidence this time around. I have been discouraged, a lot by the blood clots, but life in general. I love my wife and miss her greatly. I have no one to lean on but Jesus, and, to be honest, I haven’t done that very often in my life. But he assures me that he is here and has a plan and he will complete his plan. I have to have courage. And I have to get to work on my life. Most of all, I have to trust that he is working according his blueprints, not mine.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

Helluva way to start a new life...

Last Tuesday I saw Dr. Finn and complained about how swollen my leg was. We scheduled an ultrasound appointment for Wednesday. I went to the ultrasound and sure enough there were clots in my leg [deep vein thrombosis or DVT]. From thigh to toe. They were gonna have a Clinic Security person roll me over to the Anti-Coagulation [AG] clinic across the street. Then the duty doc decided because of my shortness of breath they should send me to the ER to be completely checked out. There might be a clot in my lung and that would explain the SOB. I was bundled into an ambulance and off we go!

At the ER, I called my wife and let her know I was there and why. I also told her I wasn’t dressed as a boy. She wasn’t happy to hear that. She came down and was obviously concerned. They ran some tests and put me through a CT scan. I had clots in the lung [pulmonary embolism or PE], too. Three of them. So I was admitted to the hospital, hooked up to a heart monitor and then started blood thinning therapy on me. A couple of days later, they sent me home and I am to start coumadin therapy for probably the next 6 months. I am also going to stop my estrogen therapy. I get to go through menopause and I haven’t even finished puberty ;) .

Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had DVT’s in the other leg and clots restricting the blood flow to the head [now wouldn’t that explain a lot ;)]. I get light headed and a little dizzy once in a while, especially when I stand up quickly.

Divorce papers

The lawyer sent both of us divorce papers in the email yesterday. I have to fill out a couple of forms and get the “Petition” sent off by fax today. I’ll meet with my wife about 9 at the house. I’ll pack up a few things and come home. I will want to get on with my day. I do not want this divorce. But there is not other path my wife is willing to consider.

Movin' on and movin' out

My wife asked me to leave a couple weeks ago. I house-sat for a friend [crashed is more like it] for a week and then found my own apartment. I’ve been moving in little bit by little bit. I go to the house and I try to pack things up and it seems the energy is sucked right out of me and I only get a little bit done. It will get better. Probably next week, I’ll get my major pieces of furniture moved over and I can start relaxing in my apartment. I can’t quite call it “My new home.”

We went to a lawyer today to see about a mediated divorce. We have most everything split up so that we both feel it’s fair. The lawyer seemed to be competent and had empathy for us. We’ll go with her. We have a boat load of paperwork to fill out. We plan to get a little done tomorrow morning and sent back to her and the rest we hope to tackle this weekend. I told my wife that, for me, it is like having a bad tooth and knowing I have to pull it out wth no novocaine myself. It hurts something awful and I don’t wanna do it but it needs to be done.

I feel so tempted to get a bottle of wine and getting drunk!

I went to see Dr. Finn today. It was supposed to be a diabetes followup, but I’ve been having issues with being short of breath and chronic swelling and low-level pain in my right leg. I figured the sweeling was from my diabetes being out of control. She told me my arteries seemed to be doin’ fine;she could feel a strong pulse in my foot. She thinks there might be a clot in a vein. I’m getting an ultra sound done today at 3:30p. If it is a clot, then it is most likely due to the estrogen and I will have to quit taking estrogen altogether. I can live with that.